1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. There is not one shred of evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
7. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission..
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
10. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
12. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
16. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
17. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never run out of material.